Mean Mom

Ahhh - gentle is what every mother wants to be. I am sure it must be written on Mother's Day cards every where, although lately I have heard from my grown children that I was a 'mean' mother. Actually, I kind of like that they remember the discipline - that it was not ok in our house to say 'hate' or 'shutup'. I was firm about what TV shows they watched and what movies they went to see - although I have heard from these young adult kids of mine that there was some sneaking into 'R' rated movies. I believe strongly that what the eye sees can become a part of us and images are hard to remove from our hearts and minds. But I also remember several days where I knelt beside their beds after they went to sleep and prayed that they wouldn't remember that I was harsh - that I was more about truth than grace that day. So I trust my heavenly Father that they remember love and a gentle mom.

Gentle

My amazing friends at work and I are studying Philippians together. So I started off this New Year looking at Philippians 4. That passage is so familiar to me. I will get cards or emails from friends with "Phil. 4:4-7" jotted below their signature. I must have read and re-read these verses hundreds of times. "Rejoice!" "Be anxious for nothing." They are like comfort food for my soul. But on this day verse five stood out like it was in bold print. "Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near." There it was - stuck right in the middle between "Rejoice" and "Be anxious for nothing." I haven't ever thought about being gentle. One time when I was particularly edgy with my husband and wanted him to hold me instead of walk away - he said, "Well, its kind of hard to hug a porcupine." He's always been good at word pictures... So gentleness doesn't necessarily come naturally for me.
I asked the Lord that morning to show me ways to be gentle that day. Walking into Albertson's after work - the grocery store isn't such a gentle place - I saw two men who were orthodox Jews. They were speaking a different language, wearing their long black robe type attire with the long hair and beards. I thought it was my chance to be gentle! But they wouldn't even make eye contact. Next a lady rode by me on a scooter - the kind that takes up the whole aisle. I have to admit my first thoughts were not gentle thoughts. I was tired and hungry and would rather ignore this person who seemed to enjoy bumping into buggies and me. But then it happened - verse five. "Let your gentleness be evident to all." Took me about 5 seconds to stop and smile, asking how I could help. She just needed a nut cracker off the top shelf - thats all. Then she smiled back. So I have thought about being gentle this week.

Endings

It takes courage to be content. I live in a world of so many choices and options - that I feel as if I couldn't have possibly made the right choice. I think of all the things I didn't do in '09. The people I didn't call - the time with God I didn't spend - the decorating I didn't do - the places I didn't go - or DID go. I can even regret the things I didn't buy. I spend time and energy thinking of those regrets. Listening to Frances Chan's sermon this morning, he reminded me that I pray sometimes as if I worship a stingy God. I behave as if He doles out His love and compassion as though it were limited. My desire as 2009 ends is to be content with these precious 365 days that I was given. But more than that to remember every day that comes before me is given to me by the Heavenly Father who loves me beyond measure blessing my socks off!